Somewhere in the squeaky clean world of one percenters you should find fine automobiles like this enormous pillarless four-door coupé-quasi-luxury-SUV.
To give it its proper title, you are now looking at a 2024 Audi Q8 55 TFSi quattro Black Edition in mhh – Chili Red Metallic – which, at a mere R2300, only represents 1% of the costly extras fitted to this 2-million Rand press vehicle. To be even more precise, at the time of composing this text you’d have to hand over exactly R2,058,400 for one of these.
Other trim levels (and motorisations) are also available, which include the less drug-dealer-looking 55 TFSi (3L turbo-petrol V6) Platinum Edition at around 2.015 bar and an identical pair of Black or Platinum jobbies powered by the 45TDi (3L turbo-diesel V6) unit; at 2.012 and 1.967 million ZAR respectively.
Most sensible folks will quickly opt for the TDi power plant due to its slightly inferior power output, rather superior maximum torque figure but convincingly better fuel efficiency. What speaks for this 2,995cc turbo-petrol V6 motor, other than its wasteful opulence, are its RS relations and high-rpm agility.
I could also pretend to have noticed a lighter steering and sharper turn-in when comparing this vehicle to the turbo-diesel Q8 we tested a few years ago but I’ll rather let the numbers to the talking. This car’s 2,100kg kerb weight is 60kg less than that of the equivalent TDi model; because diesel engines necessitate a heavier engine block.
Although I really didn’t want to turn this into an in-house comparative review (between this and the turbo-diesel) it became one of my inner monologues every time I pressed this car’s beautifully machined silver start button. That engine. It’s just so sublime. Fruity. Zingy and rev-happy. What more could you want?
Oh yes, of course, the diesel is the thinking man’s choice but this one is undeniably faster. 0-100 takes seven seconds in the diesel and 5.6 in this petrol. We managed a blistering 5.5 and a ¼ mile time of just 13.87 at 101.05mph! Although slightly irrelevant in our country, top speeds are 220km/h for the TDi and 250 for this TFSi.
In an effort to finally close off the fuel comparison, a 45 TDi Q8 alleges 7.8L/100km and this 55 TFSi is a whisper under ten. Both have an 85L fuel tank. Again, I would be lying if I told you that we averaged around 10L/100km in this bright red monster as our average figure for the week was somewhere around 14.
Ouch, right? Wrong.
Having piloted quite a few turbo-diesel mega-SUV’s (including some powered by the 3L VW/Audi motor) I can confidently tell you that they also tilt 10 or 12L/100km in slow village traffic. There’s simply no way of getting around the weight of these vehicles in constant start-stop commuting situations so the savings aren’t always massive.
You know what is massive? The size, comfort, presence and character of this 250kW / 500Nm beast. Almost every observer had something to say about this daring colour but – be still my rainbow heart – every single one of them ended in a pleasant or quirky compliment. Other colour choices are available for the less adventurous, though.
Speaking about adventure, my biggest personal gripe with this vehicle (and others of its ilk) is that their enormity and four-claw setup suggest a fair amount of off-road ability but… but. No. I’m sorry, a Chili Red Metallic Audi Q8 is not supposed to scrape up a mountain ravine, it’s meant to self-park outside a Moullie Point restaurant.
Once I got that thought through my Neanderthal Namibian brain, that this is a massive 1% plaything, I enjoyed my time with it even more. Thanks to a smooth 8-speed traditional automatic, there’s always more than enough power or torque on tap, at every legal speed in every legal condition. And it sounds super sweet, too.
The ride is also most befitting of a two-bar car, with gentle sways and soft nudges being all that’s filtered through to occupants on bumpy suburban streets. It’s fairly quiet in here too, plus the rear sloping window lines (and pillarless doors) lend a sense of increased privacy and exclusivity to the car.
Even its preposterous dimensions become manageable when you employ all the toys Audi puts at your disposal. From park sensors to a wrap-around camera, forward and side impact monitoring, back-up or trailer assist, the list of active and passive driver aids is just as impressive as the one containing passenger safety or convenience features.
As with other German manufacturers, Audi likes to charge extra for tasty goodies, although this Black package included a few niceties like carbon exterior mirror caps, 22-inch Audi Sport wheels, matt Carbon Twill inlays, lots of leather and pleather trim, very expensive stitching and a head-up display.
Listing all other standard or optional features would take a month of Sundays so I highly encourage you to visit your nearest Audi dealer to get a proper run-through of the Q8 range. And if you’re blessed with a membership of society’s top 1%, I beg you to ignore the proletarian (yet excellent) diesel and get this TFSi petrol gem!
