Tested: 2018 Jaguar E-Pace P300 AWD R-Dynamic HSE

The wrong speedo

Have you ever brought a knife to a gunfight? A speedo to a beach party? If you can imagine the buttocks-clenching feeling of such faux-pas, you have a good idea what state I was in while testing the newest compact SUV from Jaguar. You see, we didn’t just saunter through town with the E-Pace, we took it deep into the dirty Karoo.

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Tested: 2018 BMW 220i Convertible

The superficial attributes

Good news. People are actually reading my reviews and, more importantly, some of these people appear to be listening to my suggestions. When I dismissed some sporty BMW convertible a few weeks ago and stated that I’d rather drive a weaker version, I honestly didn’t expect it to pitch up so quickly.

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Tested: 2018 Mercedes-AMG C63 S Coupé 

The fishtailing monster

Today I am writing to you from a secluded mountain cabin, mostly to avoid anyone bringing me another highly-strung, low-slung, high-power, low-profile tarmac monster. You see, I’ve just had a string of test cars which would fit perfectly into a top-trumps card pack – spearheaded by this Mercedes-AMG C63S Coupé.

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Tested: 2018 Audi RS5 Coupé

The clever choice

I’ve decided to open a tyre shop which only sells 20-inch wheels. This stroke of genius, which should also be infinitely more profitable than motoring journalism, came to me while testing the umpteenth car with ultra-low profile rubber. This Audi RS5 Coupé was in a string of seven cars I tested with 20-inch tyres.

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Tested: 2018 Audi TT RS  

The hot gospel

Did you know that the Ford Focus is the best-handling hatchback (“…in the world”), American cars can’t go around corners, every petrolhead needs to own an Alfa and the Nürburgring is 21km long? If you believe any of this, and that an Audi TT is only for air hostesses, then you suffer from something I call “Clarksonitis”.

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Tested: 2018 Volkswagen Polo TSi Trendline

The regular stuff

I’ve long held the belief that entry-level models need not be rubbish, especially when they’re made by the Volkswagen group. A few years ago I tested the most basic Golf; and loved it. Same thing with the equivalent New Beetle or Audi A3 and A6; the cheapie models are excellent. So what’s the most affordable Polo like?

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