This is where you’ll find all English-speaking cars. OK jokes, this category has all our English reports of many different vehicles.
Acronyms are everywhere, especially in cars. Besides A.B.S., E.S.P. & Co., I’d like to introduce you to K.I.S.S. While the word is usually reserved for loved ones and that amorous aunty at Christmas, the abbreviation “Keep it simple, stupid” applies to my latest test car, the new Ford Figo.
I’ve got another confession to make. Besides incredibly common cars like Polos or Fortuners, there’s another class of automobile that leaves me reasonably cold: the mid-size SUV. You know what I’m talking about, right? Think Audi Q5, BMW X5, Mercedes ML or GLE and my latest test car – Volvo’s XC60.
Almost exactly 24 years ago, my parents had just taken delivery of a new 4×4 when my best friend from school coaxed his Dad into taking us for a spin in his latest acquisition – a Dakar Yellow E36 BMW M3 Coupé. That spirited June drive through Windhoek left quite an impression and a secret yearning to own an M3.
Have you ever brought a knife to a gunfight? A speedo to a beach party? If you can imagine the buttocks-clenching feeling of such faux-pas, you have a good idea what state I was in while testing the newest compact SUV from Jaguar. You see, we didn’t just saunter through town with the E-Pace, we took it deep into the dirty Karoo.
Good news. People are actually reading my reviews and, more importantly, some of these people appear to be listening to my suggestions. When I dismissed some sporty BMW convertible a few weeks ago and stated that I’d rather drive a weaker version, I honestly didn’t expect it to pitch up so quickly.
Today I am writing to you from a secluded mountain cabin, mostly to avoid anyone bringing me another highly-strung, low-slung, high-power, low-profile tarmac monster. You see, I’ve just had a string of test cars which would fit perfectly into a top-trumps card pack – spearheaded by this Mercedes-AMG C63S Coupé.
I’ve decided to open a tyre shop which only sells 20-inch wheels. This stroke of genius, which should also be infinitely more profitable than motoring journalism, came to me while testing the umpteenth car with ultra-low profile rubber. This Audi RS5 Coupé was in a string of seven cars I tested with 20-inch tyres.
“I baked a Vegan cake!” chirps the hippy girl just ahead of us in the queue to a nature reserve. My companions and I exchange more glances, not just because her baggy trousers are continuing a marvelous disappearing act. “That’s my angle for the BMW 520d M Sport review” I whisper with confidence.
Did you know that the Ford Focus is the best-handling hatchback (“…in the world”), American cars can’t go around corners, every petrolhead needs to own an Alfa and the Nürburgring is 21km long? If you believe any of this, and that an Audi TT is only for air hostesses, then you suffer from something I call “Clarksonitis”.
I’ve long held the belief that entry-level models need not be rubbish, especially when they’re made by the Volkswagen group. A few years ago I tested the most basic Golf; and loved it. Same thing with the equivalent New Beetle or Audi A3 and A6; the cheapie models are excellent. So what’s the most affordable Polo like?